4 things I hate about Spain – opinion of an expat from the US
You’re gonna hate this article.
But that’s okay. I can take it.
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article about all the things I love about Spain, my adopted home country.
It’s here: 32 reasons why I love Spain.
It went viral, which was great…
But what most people didn’t understand is that it was a response to those humorless folks whose kneejerk reaction to anyone saying anything is “If you hate Spain so much you should just go home!”
But apparently, they expect all us guiris to write nothing but gushing articles about how EVERYTHING IN SPAIN IS SO FUN ALL THE TIME OMG!
And if we don’t, we receive the full brunt of their futile Facebook wrath.
It doesn’t seem to matter if you say dozens of positive things about their country in the same article – it’s that one negative thing that makes them lose it and scream “Yankee Go Home”.
(“Can’t handle small Spanish breakfasts? Go back to your country, asshole!” Such is the level of discourse.)
As my girl Miley says, “only god can judge ya, so forget the haters and keep on twerking!”
And so I shall…
The 4 big things I hate about Spain
Incidentally, before we begin, I’ve talked with several friends about this, and we all love Spain.
In fact, we all basically agree that Spain is 95% pure awesome… After that, there are just a few things we don’t like.
See, for example, the fact that my love letter has 32 positives, whereas this article has 4 things I hate about Spain.
Only four… And that’s after thinking about it pretty hard, talking to my friends, and more than 14 years living in Madrid and Barcelona.
Pretty good ratio.
Okay, you ready?
Prepare to be outraged…
Terrible salaries and terrible work schedules
Spanish people complain about this one all the time. Working from 9AM to 7PM with an obligatory 2-hour lunch break…
The culture of presentismo that values showing up and staying late – apparently it doesn’t much matter what you actually do: your boss will be impressed if you clock long hours.
And the terrible salaries – in many cases not even breaking four figures.
Of course, I’ve been around for a long time. So I remember when people would complain about their 1200€ a month salaries.
Being a mileurista used to be the most terrible fate that could befall someone back around 2005.
Then the crisis happened and earning even a thousand euros a month became a luxury.
Want something even worse?
Check out the 10 poorest places in Spain.
That shit’s heartbreaking to read.
Sorry, Spain. But you need to get your act together.
Anyway, my experience with Spanish work culture was always as an English teacher, but that was hardly any better.
Long days, terrible pay, bosses who treat you like you’ve fallen off the lowest branch of the tree of life. (In fairness, at least some of the staff probably had. But I guess that’s a story for another article.)
Non-existent customer service
You know those times where you go to a bar and the hostile white haired waiters spend 20 minutes ignoring you?
Then, when they finally do look your way, they act like they’re doing you a big favor.
You know when shop assistants do their best to avoid eye contact and basically refuse to do anything resembling customer service?
It’s happened to all of us.
I think that the larger problem is that for the most part, Spanish marketing is stuck in the 1940s – by which I mean it doesn’t exist.
The older business are firmly entrenched in the mentality that all they have to do is open the door, and someone will walk in and spend money.
I guess that system worked pretty well in times of postwar food rationing, but hey…
It’s the 21st century.
And a complete lack of marketing and innovation is part of what’s killing the old man bars, the local markets, and the independent shops.
People complain (myself included) about the ridiculous gastro fad, but the fact is, those places are doing something right.
If you haven’t changed anything about your business in 40 years, and you don’t believe in marketing or customer service, then good luck to you.
But I’m not going to cry myself to sleep about that big bully gentrification when I see your shop shuttered and up for rent.
Also, there’s this one…
All the noise, noise, noise, noise
The garbage trucks rumbling and crashing down your street long after midnight.
The kids leaving the disco at 5AM, shouting, singing and smashing bottles on the sidewalk.
The jackhammer that starts pounding right outside your window at 8 AM.
The restaurant with a tiny dining room packed to the gills with people of all ages talking at the same time, shouting at the top of their lungs to be heard.
Your neighbor passing a leisurely Saturday afternoon listening to “Despacito” on repeat.
The old emphyzemic coughing his (or her) smoker’s lungs out on the other side of a paperthin wall… while upstairs (on the other side of a paperthin ceiling) your other neighbors are loudly having intercourse.
Madrid is noisy. And so is Barcelona.
And either you learn to shout back, or you spend your quiet anglosaxon life frustrated and alone, with waiters ignoring you and dates thinking you’re way too timid to be relationship – or even violent intercourse – material.
More than once, while travelling, I’ve had problems with friends for being “way too loud” in their city. Take your Metro de Madrid voice onto the London Underground and people take notice – not always in a good way.
So my excuse is: that’s just how we talk in Spain.
Spanish politics is a joke – and not a very funny one
From the ponytailed class warriors in (almost) million dollar homes on the left to the actual walking undead who were until recently running the country from the right, Spanish politics is just one bad joke.
I remember a bucolic afternoon several years ago, when I was somewhere on vacation.
During lunch, the story broke on TV that Prime Minister Rajoy had been texting Luis Bárcenas – the ex-treasurer of the party who was then in prison for funnelling money out of the country.
“Be strong, Luis. We’re pulling for you. Hugs and kisses.” – Mariano.
(That’s not an exact quote, but close.)
Publicly, the Popular Party had fired and disowned Bárcenas long before. “Those are his Swiss bank accounts and we know nothing about them,” was the official story.
But now the Prime Minister himself was telling him to stay strong during the trial. Looks pretty bad, doesn’t it?
Surely, I told my (then) girlfriend, he’s gonna resign.
I spent a large part of that afternoon refreshing El País on my phone, waiting for Rajoy to step down so that a new, less-corrupt government could form.
That was 5 years ago.
And it until this summer for corruption to finally catch up with Rajoy. Only earlier this year, in 2018, was he finally forced out of office.
All that happened back then, when the text messages were first reported, is that I lost my idealism about Spanish democracy.
Presumably, people from all parties steal money. Occasionally someone goes to prison. Most don’t. There’s no real incentive not to be corrupt.
And anyway, tax fraud is practically the national sport.
The government, of course, isn’t doing much to stop it – ’cause they’re the first ones who’d have to pay the fines and give up their foreign accounts.
On the other hand, we have the leftists who categorically refuse to criticize anything done by the Venezuelan dictatorship, and who spend most of their time joking about the Holocaust, doing topless protests in churches, and earning ridiculously high salaries compared to the average worker (see point #1).
Anyway, I’m sure other countries have problems…
But damn, Spain.
In conclusion, I don’t really hate Spain…
As I’ve made abundantly clear here and elsewhere, I love Spain… Despite its problems and annoyances.
No country is perfect.
Spain still has a lot of things going for it, and there are literally hundreds of guiri bloggers who will make lists of their favorite rooftop bars and tell you how fun everything is…
However, in the interest of creating some meaningful dialogue, I wanted to put this out there.
I know not everyone’s going to like it…
But to paraphrase my business guru Dan Kennedy, “If you haven’t pissed somebody off by noon every day, you need to work harder.”
So, here’s to being polarizing…
P.S. I hope you enjoyed the things I hate about Spain. What are yours? Hit me up, right here in the comments.
P.P.S. I know, I know… if I hate Spain so much I should just leave. But here’s the thing: I got used to the whole “love it or leave it” speech when I was back in Arizona and questioning the ridiculous logic of ultra-conservative America. I’ve been doing this forever. So go ahead and troll me. I can take it.
P.P.P.S. Of course, I’m not saying the US is perfect either. And if you want to know more about that, I’ve also got some articles on here about cultural differences between the US and Spain. Check it… 4 things I’ve learned about American culture living in Spain, and part 2: 4 more cultural differences. They’re sort of long, but people tend to like them. Enjoy!