Sex in Spain – 5 things you need to know about Spanish lovin’

Looking for some sex in Spain?

This post might help. Or at least entertain you while you find someone to do the deed with.

Let’s start with a little story…

My second week in Madrid, I took a walk in Casa de Campo.

As I wandered between ancient oak trees, suddenly a man appeared – a typical Spanish grandfather with a green coat and flat cap. He even had a cane, if I remember correctly.

¿Quieres que te haga una mamada? he asked.

I was, like I said, new in town. And I had no idea what a mamada was.

I assumed he was just being polite, somehow. Maybe I looked lost. But I just gave him a confused stare. So he rephrased his question: ¿Quieres que te la chupe?

Aaaahh… Okay. I knew the word “chupar” at least.

Turns out, Grandpa wanted to blow me.

It was (almost) my first sexual experience in Spain – geriatric fellatio in the park.

(Let the record show that I declined. Nice of him to offer, though.)

Anyway, the time has come to talk about sex in Spain.

Buckle up, buckaroos!

We’re in for a wild ride.

First up…

Sex in public: it’s a thing

Years ago, I was hiking in the Valle de Lozoya, a beautiful valley in the mountains north of Madrid.

Walking along the river, I caught a glimpse of flesh in the distance.

“Check it out”, I said to my girlfriend. “Some guy’s just standing there naked.”

I thought it was just one eccentric out tanning his dingdong on a summer afternoon. But a hundred meters further along there was another: some middle-aged dude standing up on a boulder, buck naked and sunning his wang.

Two more naked guys later, my girlfriend suggested we take our walk somewhere else. Either we’d stumbled on a very remote nudist riverbank, or the guys were there looking for love.

Is actual sex in public common? I’m not sure.

But today in researching this article, I found quite an interesting report on dogging in Spain. And apparently there are some very active websites dedicated to sex in public places.

Check out mispicaderos.com for all your needs – users share advice on how and where to have sex in bathrooms, public parks, cars and more. Schedules, lighting, where to have sex with complete strangers, information about parking and what to wear to signal that you’re looking for a good time.

Scrolling around, I found out that just down the street from home, I have a park that turns into a swingers orgy after midnight – I’m (somewhat) shocked!

I guess that’s what I miss by going to bed early.

The website also has info about where to sneak a private moment on university campuses, in office buildings, at the local Burger King and more.

I guess in a country where many people live with their parents till their mid-30s, it’s no surprise that the youngsters have to get creative to get funky. And oldsters – well, they wanna have fun too.

Another big topic…

A bit about prostitution in Spain

Turns out that prostitution is legal in Spain – or at least not illegal. Apparently it exists in a sort of grey area which isn’t covered by any existing laws.

Sex trafficking and pimping are illegal, but the act of prostitution itself is technically permitted.

Here in my neighborhood, Tetuán, we have quite a few brothels. As well as girls working on street corners and people putting flyers on cars for one service or another. Erotic Massage. “Saunas” where god knows what goes on. Women of various nationalities offering various sex acts. Etc etc etc.

En fin… prostitution it’s pretty common. Apparently, 39% of Spanish men have gone to a prostitute at some point. It’s a significant part of the Spanish GDP. Estimates say there are 300,000 prostitutes in Spain.

I’m not sure if the younger generations are doing it as well – the guys I know who’ve talked about their “hookers and blow days” were mostly older.

By the way, that number, 39%, is well above the rates in other European countries.

Even in The Netherlands – famous for its sex tourism – men are less likely to pay for sex.

I remember that back in the day when El País had classified ads, 80% of them were for prostitutes. Starting at 30€ you could do pretty much anything.

Have prices gone up since then? Or – like English teachers’ salaries – have they stayed depressingly low?

I’m not sure. But I bet you could find out on your own, if that’s your thing.

And here’s another big issue…

Do Spanish men have small penises?

Okay, maybe I should say the small issue.

You can find some articles out there claiming that Spanish men are among the world’s best lovers.

But in my research I also found data saying that Spanish men had some of the smallest penises in Europe.

Is it true? I don’t know!

Years ago, I used to go to a gym for martial arts. I’d see dozens of Spanish penises every day, in the locker room. None of them struck me as particularly small. But what do I know?

(Quick tip on locker room etiquette: don’t stare at other dudes’ junk).

In any case, I guess the size of the flaccid member doesn’t say much about the size of the erect one.

Perhaps some gentle reader who’s more intimately acquainted with Spanish manhood can leave a comment about this.

In any case, most of the penis size data out there is self-reported.

(And I’m packing 24 cm, if anybody’s wondering.)

And then there’s another biggie…

Who’s having the best sex in Spain?

This burning question needs to be addressed – who are the best lovers among Spanish regions? And who’s having the most sex?

Well, I’m not sure how you’d establish, statistically, who’s better in bed.

Set up a study in which people have sex with residents of all 17 comunidades autónomas (plus Ceuta and Melilla) under controlled conditions in a laboratory? Probably hard to get funding for.

But until then, it seems like any “data” of this type must be purely anecdotal – “So I got with this chick from Aragón one time and let me tell you…”

I’ve personally written, in an article about Spanish stereotypes, and about how my suspicion (variously tested, of course, over many years in Spain) is that the myth of the Passionate Spanish Lover is just that – a myth.

In any case, a recent study done by a condom manufacturer says that people from Andalucía are Spain’s best lovers. How did they come to that conclusion? No idea.

Now, if we’re talking about frequency of intercourse, it’s Cantabria and the islands (Canaries and Balearic) who top the list.

In any case, Salon.com lists Spain as one of the top 10 countries where people are the most sexually satisfied.

Also worth mentioning: people from La Rioja buy a lot of anal beads.

(The online sex toy shop Amantis.net says so, not me.)

And finally…

Some stats on sexual infidelity in Spain

Are Spaniards a bunch of big cheaters?

My friend and famous sex blogger Venus O’Hara says infidelity is rampant in Spain.

According to O’Hara, she’s almost more surprised when Spanish people say they are faithful.

She chalks it up to the importance of family and the relative infrequency of divorce. Better to keep the family together, even if it means getting some action on the side now and then.

And the data says that anywhere from 30 to 80% of Spaniards have been unfaithful to their partner.

In fact, according to Ashley Madison, a “dating” site for married people, Spain is the most unfaithful country in Europe.

Venus is a friend, by the way, and I learned a lot from her book Inglés para pervertidos (now, unfortunately, out of print). You can find more from her on Twitter.

Here’s her video about masturbating for science, if you’re wondering…

Venus is from England, but she’s been calling Barcelona her home for quite a while. And her story is pretty amazing. Check her stuff out if you’re into sex toys, fetishes, sexy gingers or whatever else.

All the fun is on venusohara.org

Anyway, I expect that infidelity data is just as self-reported as penis size is, and so people might be less than honest about their extra-marital affairs. But who knows.

(Most of the guys I’ve known who talked about going to prostitutes were married. But is that the same as cheating? Well, not exactly. I guess.)

Finally, to wrap this up tight…

Sex in Spain: (almost) everybody’s doing it

I know I spend a lot of time generalizing on this blog.

But sex is something I try not to generalize about too much. It’s just too personal and too variable. Also, I have a feeling almost everyone is lying.

Even if it’s in the interest of science, a question like “How likely are you to cheat on your husband or wife?” is going to be tough to answer honestly.

And don’t even get me started on those guys who spend a week in Thailand and now claim to be experts on the female mind everywhere east of Istanbul. “Y’see, the thing about Asian women is blah blah blah…”

That’s why I’ve tried to make this article about data (even if I don’t necessarily believe all of it) and my personal experiences.

In fact, I did see some people having sex in a park one time.

It was about my second month in Madrid, a very long time ago, when I lived in Lucero. It was the middle of the day, but ridiculously cold out. There were 4 young people gettin’ their freak on. The girls had pulled up their miniskirts and pulled down their tights, and they were riding some dudes in puffy jackets and baseball caps, cowgirl style.

I just wanted to get to wherever I was going, and ignored them. My hands were freezing and I didn’t care who wanted to show their ass in some park in las afueras.

Welcome to Spain, I thought. Now when am I gonna get some action?

For the answer to that question, you’ll just have to read my classic article about dating Spanish girls.

Anyway, I felt totally vanilla after researching this article.

I walked around the barrio afterwards, looking at people on the streets, wondering: How many of these perfectly normal-looking folks are into stuff I’d consider strange and unnecessary?

Is that guy at the bus stop taking his wife to a swinger’s party in some parking lot later tonight?

Is the girl working at the bank sneaking off on her breaks to write reviews of the best Burger King bathrooms to have sex in?

Are the abuelas secretly fantasizing about BDSM while standing in line at the fishmonger?

I’ll never know – I didn’t stop them and ask.

Wishing you all a satisfying sex life…

Non-judgementally yours,

Mr Chorizo.

P.S. I guess I should say that all of the activities mentioned in this article are practiced around the world in one way or another. Marital infidelity is not exclusively Spanish, obviously. Dogging was “invented” in the UK – although I’m sure the Greeks and Romans were fucking in parks long before Aunt Mildred from Birmingham was born. And there were people buying anal beads in feudal Japan. Prostitution is called “the oldest profession” – although horticulturalists and cattle drovers are claiming to be even older. Anyway, I’d love to know what you think about sex in Spain. Tell me all the hot, steamy details… Right here in the comments. Thanks!

P.P.S. Sex is fun and everything, but sometimes you’ve gotta go to work. For that reason, I’ve written a brand new guide to working in Spain. Enjoy!

P.P.P.S. If you’d like to hear about my sex life, I’ve got some articles about that too. Check out, for example: Sex, Booze and Phrasal Verbs. It’s good.