Sex in Spain – 5 things you need to know about hot Spanish lovin’
My second week in Madrid, I took a walk in Casa de Campo.
As I wandered between ancient oak trees, suddenly a man appeared – a typical Spanish grandfather with the green coat and flat cap.
¿Quieres que te haga una mamada? he asked.
I was, like I said, new in town. And I had no idea what a mamada was.
I assumed he was just being polite, somehow. Maybe I looked lost. So he rephrased his question: ¿Quieres que te la chupe?
Grandpa wanted to blow me.
It was (almost) my first sexual experience in Spain – geriatric fellatio in the park.
(Let the record show that I declined. Nice of him to offer, though.)
Anyway, the time has come to talk about sex in Spain.
Buckle up, buckaroos!
We’re in for a wild ride.
Sex in public: it’s a thing
Years ago, I was hiking in the Valle de Lozoya.
Walking along the river, I caught a glimpse of flesh in the distance.
“Check it out”, I said to my friend. “Some guy’s just standing there naked.”
I thought it was just one eccentric out tanning on a Wednesday afternoon. But a hundred meters further along there was another: some middle-aged dude standing up on a boulder, buck naked and sunning his wang.
Two more naked guys later, my friend suggested we take our walk somewhere else. Either we’d stumbled on a very remote nudist riverbank, or the guys were there looking for love.
Is actual sex in public common? I’m not sure.
But today in researching this article, I found quite a report on dogging in Spain. And apparently there are some very active websites dedicated to sex in public places.
Check out mispicaderos.com for all your needs – users share advice on how and where to have sex in bathrooms, parks, cars and more. Schedules, lighting, where to have sex with complete strangers, information about parking and what to wear to signal that you’re looking for a good time.
Scrolling around, I found out that just down the street, I have a park that turns into a swingers orgy after midnight – I’m (somewhat) shocked!
I guess that’s what I miss by going to bed early.
The website also has info about where to sneak a private moment on university campuses, in office buildings and more.
I guess in a country where many people live with their parents till their mid-30s, it’s no surprise that the youngsters have to get creative to get funky. And oldsters – well, they wanna have fun too.
Another big topic…
A bit about prostitution in Spain
Turns out that prostitution is legal in Spain – or at least not illegal. Apparently it exists in a sort of grey area which isn’t covered by any existing laws.
Sex trafficking and pimping are illegal, but the act of prostitution itself is technically permitted.
Here in my neighborhood, Tetuán, we have quite a few brothels. As well as girls working on street corners and people putting flyers on cars for one service or another. Erotic Massage. “Saunas” where god knows what goes on. Women of various nationalities offering various sex acts. Etc etc etc.
En fin… prostitution it’s pretty common. Apparently, 39% of Spanish men have gone to a prostitute at some point. It’s a significant part of the Spanish GDP. Estimates say there are 300,000 prostitutes in Spain.
I’m not sure if the younger generations are doing it as well – the guys I know who’ve talked about their “hookers and blow days” were mostly older.
By the way, that number, 39%, is well above the rates in other European countries.
Even in The Netherlands – famous for its sex tourism – men are less likely to pay for sex.
I remember that back in the day when El País had classified ads, 80% of them were for prostitutes. Starting at 30€ you could do pretty much anything.
Have prices gone up since then? Or – like English teachers’ salaries – have they stayed depressingly low?
I’m not sure. Find out on your own, if that’s your thing.
And here’s the big issue…
Do Spanish men have small penises?
Maybe I should say the small issue.
You can find some articles out there claiming that Spanish men are among the world’s best lovers.
But in my research I also found data saying that Spanish men had some of the smallest penises in Europe.
Is it true?
Years ago, I used to go to a gym for martial arts. I’d see dozens of Spanish penises every day. None of them struck me as particularly small.
(Quick tip on locker room etiquette: don’t stare at other dudes’ junk).
However, I guess the size of the flaccid member doesn’t say much about the size of the erect one.
Perhaps some gentle reader who’s more intimately acquainted with Spanish manhood can leave a comment about this.
In any case, most of the penis size data out there is self-reported.
(And I’m packing 24 cm, if anybody’s wondering.)
And then there’s another biggie…
Who fucks more and who fucks better?
The burning question – who are the best lovers among Spanish regions?
Well, I’m not sure how you’d establish, statistically, who’s better in bed.
Set up a study in which people fuck residents of all 17 comunidades autónomas (plus Ceuta and Melilla) under controlled conditions in a laboratory?
It seems like any “data” of this type must be purely anecdotal – “So I got with this chick from Aragón one time and let me tell you…”
In any case, a recent study says that people from Andalucía are Spain’s best lovers.
If we’re talking about frequency of intercourse, it’s Cantabria and the islands (Canaries and Balearic) who top the list.
In any case, Salon.com lists Spain as one of the top 10 countries where people are the most sexually satisfied.
Also worth mentioning: people from La Rioja buy a lot of anal beads.
(The online sex toy shop Amantis.net says so, not me.)
Somme stats on sexual infidelity in Spain
Are Spaniards a bunch of big cheaters?
My friend and famous sex blogger Venus O’Hara says infidelity is rampant in Spain.
According to O’Hara, she’s almost more surprised when Spanish people say they are faithful.
She chalks it up to the importance of family and the relative infrequency of divorce. Better to keep the family together, even if it means getting some action on the side now and then.
In fact, according to Ashley Madison, a “dating” site for married people, Spain is the most unfaithful country in Europe.
Here’s her video about masturbating for science, if you’re wondering…
Venus is from England, but she’s been calling Barcelona her home for quite a while. And her story is pretty amazing. Check her stuff out if you’re into sex toys, fetishes, sexy gingers or whatever else.
All the fun is on venusohara.org
And to wrap this up tight…
Sex in Spain: (almost) everybody’s doing it
I know I spend a lot of time generalizing on this blog.
But sex is something I try not to generalize about too much. It’s just too personal and too variable. Also, I have a feeling almost everyone is lying.
Even if it’s in the interest of science, a question like “How likely are you to cheat on your husband or wife?” is going to be tough to answer honestly.
And don’t even get me started on those guys who spend a week in Thailand and now claim to be experts on the female mind everywhere east of Istanbul. “Y’see, the thing about Asian women is blah blah blah…”
That’s why I’ve tried to make this article about data (even if I don’t necessarily believe all of it) and my personal experiences.
In fact, I did see some people fucking in a park one time.
It was my second month in Madrid, a very long time ago, when I lived in Lucero. It was the middle of the day, but ridiculously cold out. There were 4 young people gettin’ their freak on. The girls had pulled up their miniskirts and pulled down their tights, and they were riding some dudes in puffy jackets and baseball caps, cowgirl style.
I just wanted to get to wherever I was going, and ignored them. My hands were freezing and I didn’t care who wanted to show their ass in some park in las afueras.
Welcome to Spain, I thought. Now when am I gonna get some action?
For the answer to that question, you’ll just have to read my classic article about dating Spanish girls.
Anyway, I felt totally vanilla after researching to write this article.
I walked around the barrio afterwards, looking at people on the streets, wondering: How many of these perfectly normal-looking folks are into stuff I’d consider strange and unnecessary?
Is that guy at the bus stop taking his wife to a swinger’s party in some parking lot later tonight?
Is the girl working at the bank sneaking off on her breaks to write reviews of the best Burger King bathrooms to have sex in?
Are the abuelas secretly fantasizing about BDSM while standing in line at the fishmonger?
I’ll never know – I didn’t stop them and ask.
Wishing you all a satisfying sex life…
P.S. I guess I should say that all of the activities mentioned in this article are practiced around the world in one way or another. Marital infidelity is not exclusively Spanish, obviously. Dogging was “invented” in the UK – although I’m sure the Greeks and Romans were fucking in parks long before Aunt Mildred from Birmingham was born. And there were people buying anal beads in feudal Japan. Prostitution is called “the oldest profession” – although horticulturalists and cattle drovers are claiming to be even older. Anyway, I’d love to know what you think about sex in Spain. Tell me all the hot, steamy details… Right here in the comments. Thanks!
P.P.S. Sex is fun and everything, but sometimes you’ve gotta go to work. For that reason, I’ve written a brand new guide to working in Spain. Enjoy!
P.P.P.S. If you’d like to hear about my sex life, I’ve got some articles about that too. Check out, for example: Sex, Booze and Phrasal Verbs. It’s good.