Austerity Pro Tip #1: Get Enough Protein

If you find yourself staring hungrily at your neighbor’s dog, it’s a sign that you need more protein in your diet.

Do not I repeat DO NOT give in to temptation and actually make paella out of your downstairs neighbor’s beloved Fido.

Would Fido be delicious? Perhaps. But it’s not about that.

Think strategically: You might someday need your neighbor’s help in escaping from repo men and want to be on good terms if possible.

Cat, on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable in times of crisis. Cat paella was a postwar classic in Spain. And in Italy they eat gatto in humido, a sort of cat stew.

And by all means, please just eat a fucking horse already. They’re delicious.

See other austerity pro tips while you wait…

It’s going to be a long, long economic crisis.